Fifty Shades Darker

#Review: Fifty Shades Darker

Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele are back in Fifty Shades Darker, a hot mess of a film rife with cliché ridden characters and a ropey script.
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Out this weekend is Fifty Shades Darker, starring the titillating twosome of Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan.

Fifty Shades Darker continues the sexual misadventures of Anastasia ‘Ana’ Steele (Johnson) and her brooding beau Christian Grey (Dornan). After breaking up at the end of Fifty Shades of Grey Ana is trying to get on with her life but it’s not long before Christian comes a-calling and after one night she is back to being his main squeeze.

This time, however, she isn’t his submissive little servant, this time she’s his sex-mad confidant. In Fifty Shades Darker she has to contend with several obstacles. These include a past submissive of Christian’s (Bella Heathcote), a boorish male admirer (Eric Johnson) and the woman that created Christian Grey, Elena Lincoln (Kim Basinger) the “Mrs Robinson” as she is dubbed in the film. There’s one more obstacle but it’s so ridiculous I want you to experience it for yourself.

The first problem, of many, with Fifty Shades Darker, is that the script and story are completely unimpressive. The words coming out of the characters mouths are complete trash, nothing resonates with any actual passion. Christian and Ana speak about love and their respective obsession for each other but neither raise their voices above a certain decibel. If you want to sell a romance story make sure you have a genuine romance at its core.

Fifty Shades Darker

Surrounding this pay-per-view porn relationship is a cast of cliché ridden characters. Spearheading the charge is Leila (Heathcote) a woman obsessed with Christian that seems to have superhuman abilities of infiltration. She ducks in and out of eyesight of Ana time and time again to the point where you believe she is a genuine ninja. There’s also Jack Hyde, ominous, who has a mind-numbing moronic character journey in Fifty Shades Darker. He starts off as one character during the first third of the film but once Christian has made himself a part of Ana’s life again he changes, almost transforms one might say into a different person. If you’d like a less subtle hint, double check his name.

The final nail in the coffin for myself when it came to the hot mess that is Fifty Shades Darker is that you can easily tell when each part of the film ends and another begins. It’s like one chapter ending and another beginning but without any nuance or subtlety.

If I had to say there was anything positive about Fifty Shades Darker it would be that it is a pretty film. The locales are gorgeous and the soundtrack is fairly memorable and catchy. If you’re looking to watch some sexy people do some sexy things and don’t care about plot, or dialogue then I would suggest porn but if you’re looking for something to get drunk to with a bunch of friends this might just be the film for you.